They stole my JEEEE-SUS

November 2004
Somebody Stole My Jesus Crib

Forget rampant unemployment, social unrest, a country divided in half (okay 50.5 to 49.5), Global Warming, or even “Four More Wars” from George W. Bush…the real crisis the modern world is facing is obviously spiritual.
The cover story of this week’s Time magazine was not the war in Iraq, Afghanistan, or any of the above. It was about the “Secrets of the Nativity”. In other words it was about the “creche”…Jesus’ original “crib”.

That is all “creche” means is “crib” or “manger”.

Sure, Jesus’ crib was not like the MTV cribs we are so accustomed to. Not a lot like Ashton Kutcher’s crib (replete with Demi Moore crib), or certainly the cribs of Papa Roach, Tony Hawk or Shannon Elizabeth. But, a crib is a crib.
In fact, Jesus’ crib was literally a “feeding trough” in an old cold barn, warmed only by the family, and later, some shepherds. Oh, and there was also probably a lot of livestock, so there was also the warmth and smell of their methane creating defecations (the beginnings of “Global Barn Warming”).

Looking at other’s nice cribs on MTV is kinda fun (for about 7 minutes), but I never expected to have my own Jesus crib stolen. But it happened.

Somebody stole my Jesus crib.

As an Internet researcher and journalist I wondered and checked the news for other creche-related events…omigod!! A wax “Beckham”, depicted as a member of the Holy Family has been pushed over in a Museum creche (crib) in London:

(Free kick here)

And 70 people protested having George W. Bush, Tony Blair, and Prince Philip as being depicted as the “three wise men” there.

Personally, if you read down, the choice of Samuel L. Jackson as one of the shepherds seems safe, but I wouldn’t trust Hugh Grant around the sheep.

Just me.

*******

Here is just how pervasive this global creche crisis has become. In London, David Beckham, and his lovely wife Victoria, are depicted as the holy parents of Jesus at Madame Tussauds museum.

The “Joseph” (David) and his wife “Mary” (Victoria, otherwise known as the "Posh" Spice Girl) wax figures were attacked by a man offended by their attempts to look after the baby Jesus in his crib (er, feeding trough). It was rumored that the attacker tried to abscond with one of the waxened Holy Family in order to start a small mail order candle business, but he has not yet been apprehended.

Fortunately, Real Madrid star defender Walter Samuel, who just happened to be touring the museum at the time, was able to successfully deflect all of the following attempts to score on the Holy Beckhams.

“It was just second-nature,” Samuel said later.

In harmony with the star thematic renditions of the Tussaud exhibit, the baby Jesus was a simple wax rendition of “Mini-Me”.

_________________________________

The complete manuscript for free....HERE