Death Gets Nailed!

Get this! True story.

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/n/a/2005/03/30/national/a130519S95.DTL&type=bondage

Exclusive WCJ Mock Interview with PatrickStar

After Dobson's outrageous attack we sat down with PatrickStar, neighbor and closest bestest buddy of Spongebob. Here is what he had to say:

Maugham Malraux:Thanks for agreeing to meet with us Patrick. Can you tell us about these allegations that Spongebob is gay?

Patrick: Uh...I've always thought he was a happy person. What's wrong with that?


MM: Hmnn...Uh Dr. Dobson..have you heard of him?

PS: uh...does he like ice cream?

MM: I'm sure he does...I've noticed he's put on a little weight as of late. No, Dr. Dobson has made allegations that Spongebob promotes a homosexual lifestyle. What do you think of that?

PS:Oh I know what you mean, er,...what's sex?

MM: It's how a species reproduces. Like when you release gamets through your gonoducts.

PS: Oh that. Yeah. It's fun. Do you like ice cream?

MM: Yes. So, do you know Spongebob's orientation?

PS: The Pineapple points Southwest, and he sleeps North to South because he's into Feng Shui.

MM: No Patrick, I meant do you know his sexual orientation. Dr. Dobson, a man respected by millions of mindless Fundagelicals has asserted that Spongebob's sexual orientation is questionable.

PS: Oh yeah...sponge's are hermaphrodites or completely asexual.

MM: I had not thought of that Patrick. That does shed light on things. So the way God made Spongebob he could either be male or female.

PS: Oh he's male!

MM: How do you know?

PS: It's easy...he watches the Stooges.

Well, there you have it. Maugham out and Jesus never stops throwing up.

Spongophobic White Males

In the midst of declining church attendance and having a Right Wing political agenda tacked on like mass quatities of PORK onto a Gospel that is utterly lost under it's agenda, Dr. James Dobson weighs in with a viscious smear campaign against our beloved Spongebob Squarepants.

Every Man a Bride! once again reminds the power-mad and deranged Doctor that he, as part of the Church which is the Bride of Christ, is in spiritual drag even as he chases after He Who is Porous.

Checkout Erick Heroux' excellent blog on the subject. Yes, news of Dobson's madness has reached to the ends of the earth (in this case Taipei).

http://heroux.blogspot.com/2005/01/dobson-squarepants.html

Shame on you Dr. Dobsen. Repent or Jesus will never stop throwing up!

Betty Bowers!

A great site for those who take themselves too seriously and God not enough!

She's arrogant, terse, and full of hate and condemnation. Why am I strangely drawn to her?

God, I want her so much! (And Jesus never stops throwing up.)

Go see Betty!

Pastrycook Ugo Mignone brushes a Christmas scene entirely made of chocolate in a cake workshop in Naples, southern Italy, in this picture taken on November 26, 2004. Some twenty Neapolitan pastry chefs, using 3,000 kilos of chocolate, have been working around the clock to create the world's largest chocolate nativity scene to be unveiled on December 4 in a Christmas fair in Naples. REUTERS/Alessia Pierdomenico 

They stole my JEEEE-SUS

November 2004
Somebody Stole My Jesus Crib

Forget rampant unemployment, social unrest, a country divided in half (okay 50.5 to 49.5), Global Warming, or even “Four More Wars” from George W. Bush…the real crisis the modern world is facing is obviously spiritual.
The cover story of this week’s Time magazine was not the war in Iraq, Afghanistan, or any of the above. It was about the “Secrets of the Nativity”. In other words it was about the “creche”…Jesus’ original “crib”.

That is all “creche” means is “crib” or “manger”.

Sure, Jesus’ crib was not like the MTV cribs we are so accustomed to. Not a lot like Ashton Kutcher’s crib (replete with Demi Moore crib), or certainly the cribs of Papa Roach, Tony Hawk or Shannon Elizabeth. But, a crib is a crib.
In fact, Jesus’ crib was literally a “feeding trough” in an old cold barn, warmed only by the family, and later, some shepherds. Oh, and there was also probably a lot of livestock, so there was also the warmth and smell of their methane creating defecations (the beginnings of “Global Barn Warming”).

Looking at other’s nice cribs on MTV is kinda fun (for about 7 minutes), but I never expected to have my own Jesus crib stolen. But it happened.

Somebody stole my Jesus crib.

As an Internet researcher and journalist I wondered and checked the news for other creche-related events…omigod!! A wax “Beckham”, depicted as a member of the Holy Family has been pushed over in a Museum creche (crib) in London:

(Free kick here)

And 70 people protested having George W. Bush, Tony Blair, and Prince Philip as being depicted as the “three wise men” there.

Personally, if you read down, the choice of Samuel L. Jackson as one of the shepherds seems safe, but I wouldn’t trust Hugh Grant around the sheep.

Just me.

*******

Here is just how pervasive this global creche crisis has become. In London, David Beckham, and his lovely wife Victoria, are depicted as the holy parents of Jesus at Madame Tussauds museum.

The “Joseph” (David) and his wife “Mary” (Victoria, otherwise known as the "Posh" Spice Girl) wax figures were attacked by a man offended by their attempts to look after the baby Jesus in his crib (er, feeding trough). It was rumored that the attacker tried to abscond with one of the waxened Holy Family in order to start a small mail order candle business, but he has not yet been apprehended.

Fortunately, Real Madrid star defender Walter Samuel, who just happened to be touring the museum at the time, was able to successfully deflect all of the following attempts to score on the Holy Beckhams.

“It was just second-nature,” Samuel said later.

In harmony with the star thematic renditions of the Tussaud exhibit, the baby Jesus was a simple wax rendition of “Mini-Me”.

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The complete manuscript for free....HERE