Exclusive WCJ Mock Interview with PatrickStar

After Dobson's outrageous attack we sat down with PatrickStar, neighbor and closest bestest buddy of Spongebob. Here is what he had to say:

Maugham Malraux:Thanks for agreeing to meet with us Patrick. Can you tell us about these allegations that Spongebob is gay?

Patrick: Uh...I've always thought he was a happy person. What's wrong with that?


MM: Hmnn...Uh Dr. Dobson..have you heard of him?

PS: uh...does he like ice cream?

MM: I'm sure he does...I've noticed he's put on a little weight as of late. No, Dr. Dobson has made allegations that Spongebob promotes a homosexual lifestyle. What do you think of that?

PS:Oh I know what you mean, er,...what's sex?

MM: It's how a species reproduces. Like when you release gamets through your gonoducts.

PS: Oh that. Yeah. It's fun. Do you like ice cream?

MM: Yes. So, do you know Spongebob's orientation?

PS: The Pineapple points Southwest, and he sleeps North to South because he's into Feng Shui.

MM: No Patrick, I meant do you know his sexual orientation. Dr. Dobson, a man respected by millions of mindless Fundagelicals has asserted that Spongebob's sexual orientation is questionable.

PS: Oh yeah...sponge's are hermaphrodites or completely asexual.

MM: I had not thought of that Patrick. That does shed light on things. So the way God made Spongebob he could either be male or female.

PS: Oh he's male!

MM: How do you know?

PS: It's easy...he watches the Stooges.

Well, there you have it. Maugham out and Jesus never stops throwing up.